The Double Standard Makes Sense

In which Caleb Powell, married father of three daughters and unapologetic sexist, discovers the practical side of double standards.

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SEATTLE-

I am married, the stay-at-home father of three daughters, and a proud sexist. Two sexes deserve equal rights, but not equal treatment. Why? Because men and women are not equal. Duh.

Men excel in lifting heavy objects, hunting, gathering food, avoiding predators, and constructing blunt tools. In every other category women are superior. Example? Compare male and female bathroom etiquette at rock concerts. I’ve never snuck into a ladies room during, say, an AC/DC or Judas Priest show, but I’m pretty certain the females don’t splatter urine and feces on their toilets. Or examine prison dynamics: men run trains on one another and make shivs out of toothbrushes; guards are regularly assaulted and sometimes killed. Women? Pregnant convicts give birth and nurse their newborns while incarcerated. Women in the most notorious units braid one another’s hair, hug, snuggle, and engage in consensual intimate relationships.

Therefore, as men and women have different natures, a double standard makes sense. Without it we’d be stuck with the “standard.” Do we want that?

Aside from professions such as coal mining and plumbing, woman perform at or above the level of men. Recent studies show more women in universities, and high school girls graduate at a higher rate, despite the supposed inequities of the “system.” This trend will continue, as greater numbers of women secure legal, medical, business, and political careers. Meanwhile, women maintain dominance in traditional “feminine” roles such as housekeeping, nursing, and mothering.

I look no further than my wife. Despite her greater intelligence, work ethic, and discipline, she was hindered by bearing children. She took twelve weeks of maternity leave for each of our three daughters, and she still had to hit the same annual sales number, not to mention the corporate experience she lost. There’s no way a child-bearing mother plays on the same field as a man.

Luckily, my wife outperforms male peers and leaves them babbling about breast envy, gives birth to three beautiful daughters, flies business trips and attends conferences in the throes of pregnancy while battling nausea, morning sickness, incontinence, and bloated extremities. Despite my position as primary parent, my wife still can cook, clean, and nurture circles around me (although this may reflect more on my own incompetence).

Generally speaking, though, women, if they worked the same hours under the same conditions as men, would outperform them. Not only do they deserve equal pay, they should be given higher salaries. And, ahem, I’m not just saying that to flatter.

As for parenting, there are practical double standards concerning sons and daughters, especially interaction with the opposite sex. I will be the overprotective father. When I heard about the National Sex Offender Registry, I went online, plugged in our zip code and address, and discovered every neighborhood in Seattle is Pervert Central, the computer screen dotted by red, yellow, blue, and green dots indicating offenders of various levels. Every icon represented a male, except for one: Mary Kay Letourneau. She lives a couple miles away with her former student, Villi Fualaau. Though I am freaked out about the male predators, Mary Kay not so much. Unlike a male ex-con, she could live on our street and I’d be fine. Am I chauvinist?

Then there is circumcision. Female circumcision, rightly called genital mutilation, is considered a human rights’ crime by the United Nations. Look no further than Alice Walker’s Possessing the Secret of Joy to witness the horrors of the practice. What about male circumcision? I have two younger sisters.  One married a Norwegian, and the other married a Thai-American.; neither brother-in-law is circumcised. Between them I have three nephews, also uncircumcised. I am circumcised, and my wife and I had decided our sons would be, though this turned out moot. Extra sensitivity and a few millimeters added may have benefits, but, like most satisfied circumcised males, I do not claim to be a victim of genital mutilation. Talking to my sisters, though, you would think men suffer equally under the knife. They have taken the positions of their husbands, that circumcision inflicts pain and contradicts nature. I back the parental right to be pro-choice on this one.

I’ll concede standards makes sense occasionally, college entrance requirements, for one, although I suspect, when future science determines men intellectually inferior, there will be a twisted form of affirmative action and universities will favor men with lower scores. Still, I shout, in the name of expedience, that we should embrace the double standard without compunction.